Eight Rules For Defecating In Nature
1. Never wipe with a pine cone, porcupine,
poison ivy, or prickly pear (the 4-P’s)
2. Never lower your laundry near a bear or
mountain lion with an erection, a diving eagle,
a flock of turkeys or Canadian geese
3. Never drop a load in a snake, badger,
coyote, woodchuck, or prairie dog hole
4. If a skunk or rattler happens by while
you’re in the act, don’t try to compete,
compare, or make friends
5. Beware of hillbillies with banjos, men
in prison garb, & women with facial hair
& bulging crotches
6. Always use insect repellent liberally
7. Cover your scat
8. Sand rubbed gently in your crack &
rinsed will remove undesirable crustiness
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