My cigarettes hold a thousand problems and maybe a thousand more thoughts.
Early dawn rises from the east as I stumble out of the nightclub and
down the grit of the fire escape alley. Sober now, the bar closed long
ago, and I couldn’t get my hands on any pills, the only reason I’d
hung around was to try and get it in with E, but she was too rocked to
even see, let alone fuck.
She came from a different world, one that isn’t always pretty. She
belongs to that part of the night when everyone else would’ve, or
should’ve, gone home. A part of the world filled with faces you’d
rather forget, and drugs you can’t remember taking. Something in me
suspected that her life held higher expectations and greater
disappointments than my own, but she had a knack for recovering
quicker than most. She had a way of overcoming her own wounds that
would make any self-help wanker froth with jealousy.
She was beautiful, in a drug-habit kind of way. Tall and pale with
short blonde hair, her clothes always fell around her body lazily as
if, in any moment, they could slip off. I’d never seen that on anyone
else. She had the jaw line of a much older woman, and round eyes that
covered at least twenty shades of blue, though they never looked
straight at you. But when they did it was hard not to be overcome with
her infectious sense of warmth.
I wanted to fuck her. I wanted the alcohol-induced one night stand,
and then we’d be done with each other. But part of me didn’t want to
hurt her. It’s not that I couldn’t bring myself to; I knew I could,
and probably, eventually would. But I didn’t want to, and I felt like
fucking and hurting were connected.
There was something about her warmth, something deeper. No one else
had it; no one else I knew could look at you and suddenly make you
feel like everything was going to be ok. She was immediate and
ONE FLASH – Maya HalilovicPosted: December 17, 2012 in Fiction, Flash
Tags: Fiction, Flash, Lit Journals, Maya Halilovic, Online Journals