Zero Tolerance
I even feel like sticking an axe
in your fucking shadow.
Everything about you annoys me, now.
I don’t know how it got like this but it did?
Fairytales are for children.
Tolerance is for parents
and real life is for grown-ups.
Just leave and go away
before I say something that really hurts you!
© Paul Tristram 2013
Vicious Valentine
“Well, why do you put up with her?”
“I know she can be a handful
but I’ve seen her nice side
the part of her no one gets to see,
she’s just vulnerable is all!”
“Vulnerable, she wasn’t vulnerable
when she broke your nose
and gave you that black-eye, was she.
She’s slept with half of Cardiff
and not the good half either.
How many times has she stolen your wallet?
It’s got to be well over a dozen times by now.
She threw a vodka bottle at the framed photo
of your 3 kids on the living room wall.
She’s had you arrested seven times.
Stole your mother’s shopping from the taxi rank
and sold it in the pub to your aunty.
All of her ex’s are junkies or insane or both.
She glassed your sister in the face, twice!
Took the ‘Welsh Lovespoon’ that you gave her
in ‘The Angel’ pub last Valentine’s day night
outside and threw it in the gutter, squatted down
and pissed all over the fucking thing
in front of everyone you know, mun.
Oh, and she bit your fucking dog?”
“But I love her, you know?”
“Yeah, and I love Pernod
but I realized that it was no good for me
and that I had to stop drinking it at age 21,
you know?”
“Ok, point taken, for fuck sake!”
© Paul Tristram 2013
You Took The Back Tyre Off The Welsh Love Spoon
You took the back tyre off the Welsh Love Spoon,
Luckily the drugs were in the dog
And the dog was really fast.
We shall always buy whippet from now on,
My bruises will heal
But long may the dog live on.
(We can’t catch the cunt!)
© Paul Tristram 2010
