Posted: April 24, 2013 in Fiction, Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t do shots

C’mon she said

Take a shot w/ me

I tell her

I don’t do shots


C’mon just one

she said

I tell her

No, not a good idea

Something bad

will happen


C’mon, pleeease!

No, I say

I really will end up

in a hospital bed

or handcuffs


C’mon be a man

she said


So I take the shot

It goes down smooth

and makes her smile

and I really love her smile

So I take another

then another

then some more

to keep her smiling


Well after close

I’m sitting on the side

of the interstate

in a pair of handcuffs

while the cop

goes through my truck


When I post bail tomorrow

she had damn well better

sleep with me




Last attempt at online dating

The message P.M. sent to me

was very specific.

She is really into tall,

white, shy alcoholics.

She likes that I am tall

and white and wants to know

can we meet sometime so

she can find out if I am also

a shy alcoholic.


She is Asian and says

the stereotype is true,

she is a horrible driver,

so I will have to pick her up.


We can’t meet at her place

and both Buster’s and

The Down Under are also

out of the question and

it’s kind of a long story.


Last May, she tried

to commit suicide with

drain cleaner and

sharp objects, plural,

in a bathtub.


Can’t wait

to meet her.

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