I don’t do shots
C’mon she said
Take a shot w/ me
I tell her
I don’t do shots
C’mon just one
she said
I tell her
No, not a good idea
Something bad
will happen
C’mon, pleeease!
No, I say
I really will end up
in a hospital bed
or handcuffs
C’mon be a man
she said
So I take the shot
It goes down smooth
and makes her smile
and I really love her smile
So I take another
then another
then some more
to keep her smiling
Well after close
I’m sitting on the side
of the interstate
in a pair of handcuffs
while the cop
goes through my truck
When I post bail tomorrow
she had damn well better
sleep with me
Last attempt at online dating
The message P.M. sent to me
was very specific.
She is really into tall,
white, shy alcoholics.
She likes that I am tall
and white and wants to know
can we meet sometime so
she can find out if I am also
a shy alcoholic.
She is Asian and says
the stereotype is true,
she is a horrible driver,
so I will have to pick her up.
We can’t meet at her place
and both Buster’s and
The Down Under are also
out of the question and
it’s kind of a long story.
Last May, she tried
to commit suicide with
drain cleaner and
sharp objects, plural,
in a bathtub.
Can’t wait
to meet her.
