Headfuck Luck
I’m eating magpie soup again,
been walking under ladders,
passing people on stairs.
Ended up with the smallest
half of the wish-bone.
Had a tarot reading
and pulled The Tower,
Death and the 3, 8 and 10
of Swords, Fuck!
Didn’t catch my girlfriend cheating,
so I’m stuck with her for now.
Been disowned by everyone
that I used to know
but that is exactly what I needed.
Nothing is going right
and nothing is going wrong
I am walking through the middle
ground somewhere, for now.
With all of the signs pointing
to positive or negative outcomes
which do not appear?
I guess that right now I am lucky
at not having good or bad luck
respectively.
What a curious foreign limbo this is?
© Paul Tristram 2012
Super Size My Love, Innit!
It started running down her left leg, then it started running
down her right arm, it filled her left shoe while it ran over
and off her right fingers, it was hatred.
It bubbled upon the back of her neck, spreading up and through
her hair, it went down her left arm, then her right leg, all of
a sudden there was a splash and it ran down her back, through
her arse and then crashing to the floor.
Then it started at the front, gaining momentum as it rose up
the curve of each breast, creating a gushing waterfall straight
down through her pubic hair and down onto the floor around
her feet.
She was now totally and utterly consumed in hatred, she started
shaking and swaying, for a few seconds it looked as if she
might lose her balance and topple over but she didn’t, she
started to scream instead.
Then she lunged at her boyfriend and started to scratch at
his terror struck face.
“You Bastard!” she yelled.
“You fucking insensitive, selfish, thoughtless Bastard, you
know that I asked for a Chicken McSandwich, you know I
never have fucking Chicken McNuggets but what have you
fucking bought me again, you stupid Bastard?”
With this she grabbed the box of Chicken McNuggets off
the table and started to ram them into his bruised and bloody
mouth.
Then she tried ramming one up his left nostril, it wouldn’t
fit, well she’d just have to make the fucker fit wouldn’t she.
She managed to get a corner up, then with the same hand she
pushed his forehead back, then while his head was tilted back
and with the use of great force she banged the Chicken
McNugget right up into his nostril with the palm of her hand.
He let out a sickly little moan and breathed heavily out of
the one nostril
“Thou Bithitch!” he groaned.
Well, that was the final straw, she went for the strawberry
milkshake and leapt into his unprotected lap, she then tried
to drown the poor motherfucker with the afore mentioned
strawberry milkshake.
It was at this point that I stepped in, I had been sitting
quietly in the corner (No, not the corner by the fucking
toilets, what do you think I am for Christ Sake? I was
sitting in the corner on the other side of McDonalds!) just
musing over the state which I had again let my life get into.
When I suddenly thought to myself ‘Hey that’s enough God
Damn it’ I stood up upon my sturdy feet and shouted across
of McDonalds,
“Yo, ginger motherfucker, yeah you with your knees in that
poor Bastards scrotum, enough’s enough, now climb on down
off of him!”
But she did not even hear me; she was too busy shouting abuse
at the poor Bastard while still trying to drown the poor
motherfucker with the strawberry milkshake, she was shouting,
“You God Damned fucking faggot, you can’t even get it up
anymore and you never go down on me, you selfish Bastard,
what’s the matter with my pussy, most men would love to
have my pussy!”
She was still kneeling on him, but she managed to turn to one
side, lift up her skirt, pull her knickers to one side and shout
to an old man on the table opposite,
“What do you think of my pussy eh, you’d go down on it if
it slept with you every night, wouldn’t you, you old fuck?”
The old guy just turned red then purple then looked at his
wife, his wife was playing with a cold French fry, pretending
that nothing was happening.
It was then that I lassoed her, YEEHAAA!
I pulled that psycho bitch right off the guy’s whose bollocks
now resembled pork paste, and dragged her insane arse right
up the aisle and out through the main doors.
As we disappeared out of the doors the people still sitting in
McDonalds started cheering, as soon as we got outside I tied
her up and threw her over my motherfucking saddle, leapt up
onto Geronimo (My horse!) and rode on out of Dodge.
I’ve still got her at my place, well when I say at my place,
I mean the fucking shed, she still screams like a banshee, it
keeps the chickens awake at night but I’m normally too drunk
to even notice.
Anyway, I’m even starting to fancy the psycho bitch myself,
I don’t know what it is; maybe it’s the way the moonlight
bounces off her spittle, but anyway I’ll let you know how I
get on with her, alright?
© Paul Tristram 2013
