My lady’s female friends always came over for gab fests and ate all our food and drank most of our beverages, which irritated me. The worst thing was they stayed until late into the night and took forever to say goodbye. They were always going to the bathroom to powder their noses, so to speak. This gave me a brilliant devious idea on how to cut their visits short. I went on line to the Lava Co. and ordered Thai Dragon Powder and Bhut Jolokia Red Powder, two of the hottest peppers there are. I diluted the powders with flour and rubbed them in a roll of toilet paper before my lady’s next party. I hung my trap and waited for the results. It wasn’t long before most of the women were squirming and corkscrewing, trying to dry rub their burning crotches on the couch. They were soon grabbing their purses and heading for the door. I was trying to hide my mischievous grin from my quizzical lady. She knew something was up, but couldn’t quite figure it out. When she went upstairs for her shower, I switched the paper and got rid of the burning evidence and scrubbed the toilet seat. I sat down and laughed like hell and read my book by Pearl Sydenstricker Buck, The Good Earth. It was all amusing until my lady’s boss had a heart attack after a huge dump that clogged the toilet. We had to call an ambulance and a plumber. All the women stared at me with accusations in their eyes.